familial relationships

In my first post I mentioned that I was thinking a lot about how familial relationships influence how we develop into who we are. I often wonder when I watch my kids interact with each other when I should step in and when I should just let them work things out. I asked one of new friends about it because she is really interesting to talk to about raising kids but the only answer she gave me was "It is good to know that you an always pray about those situations." I really wanted a more concrete response. It reminds me the time in Utah when I asked a good friend of mine and mother of 6 what she does when her kids fight. She just laughed and said she couldn't help me with sibling rivalry. Why doesn't anyone want to talk about it? Is it because their kids are always nice? Is it because they are embarrassed by how they actually handle situations? I sometimes feel this pressure that "mother (should) always know best" but most of the time I don't. When Ariel was 4 and threw fits all the time and used lots of other tactics to get attention I asked another friend what she used to do when her daughter was that age and acted like that, she just gave me a dead pan stare and said her daughter never was like that. Oh, great. I have an exceptionally attention getting daughter, what does that say about me. (sarcasm) I was brought up to believe that bad kids are a direct result of bad parenting, so it has been really hard on my parent self image to deal with my "blessings." It is funny when some of my siblings made huge mistakes in their lives someone was conveniently absolved of all responsibility in the formation of their character. So, I don't mean to point any fingers, but their is a fine line between doing our best raising our children and turning it over to their relationship with Heavenly Father and practicing their own agency and actually neglecting our parental responsibilities and then asserting in one way or another that we really had no hand in the subsequent faults that we want to hang over their heads or sweep under the rug.
Today at play group I noticed how the other moms talk to their kids in a very kind almost sing songy voice and when they don't do something "right" they give them the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming that the child should have understood what any adult understands. That is how I wish my mom would act with my kids but I know that I am not that way either. I find myself being short tempered with my kids and holding them accountable for a lot more than they are actually capable of.

Do you just hate making "important phone calls" Like setting up doctor's appointments, or calling the moving company to ask for some money back because they were 3 days late picking up your stuff and you had to get on the plane to fly to a different state hoping that nothing that you stacked up in your carport gets stolen before the moving van comes not knowing exactly when that would be? Well, I made those kind of phone calls today, so I am rewarding myself with some blog time. I've been reading some really good blogs, with sophisticated and inspiring and witty writing and some pretty pathetic ones too, and no I feel like writing.
It goes along with my hibernation theory, that sometimes you have to take a lot in and mull it over before you are ready to generate something worthwhile. Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about the influences of familial relationships growing up on how you view and react to things in life. But now it is dinner time so I'll have to finish that thought later.

improvements

On the spare tire front, I ran both Friday and Saturday morning through the park. Ariel and Adriana rode their bikes and I pushed Annika and Dallin in the stroller. The kids loved it and me too. One the uptight husband front, he had been surprising me lately and maybe I was overreacting. And I figured out something to help me have more patience with the kids: when I have to wait for them to do something really slowly like Annika wanting to do things herself because she is a big girl or Ariel taking her time deciding if she really wants to listen to me or not, I do some little exercise wherever I am like leg lifts or bicep curls or something to keep my mind off the current problem and let the time pass quicker instead of losing my temper with them. more later

Let it all hang out

For a while now I have been wanting to start a new blog where I could say whatever I want and not worry about who is reading it, but deep down I would like someone to be reading it and I would really enjoy comments. When I started my first blog, it was going to be all about me, but now it is more about my kids, and I am using it to keep family and friends up to date on how we are doing. Here I would like to write more and express my views on different things in my life. Currently I am not that great at using humor to relate uncomfortable or disturbing life situations so I would like to develop that better. So I am going to start out with my three biggest problems in life currently and try to explore them. First, my husband has become very uptight lately. He is overprotective and afraid the kids are going to get hurt all the time. I don't really know how to deal with it. Second, I can't seem to get rid of my spare tire. I tried this morning to only eat fruits and vegetables for breakfast, and it was going really well, becasue I really didn't feel hungry so I reasoned that I didn't need to eat a lot because I wasn't hungry anyway, but by the time we got home from swimming lessons at 12:30 I was ravenous and ate some tortilla chips with french onion dip that had way too much fat and salt in them, and I still don't feel satiated but I can't figure out what else to do. I have this place in the middle of my forehead that feels foggy and wants me to eat chocolate or something red. My third problem is being happy being a mom. Although there are plenty of blissful motherhood moments scattered throughout the day there are too many frustrated or regretful moments. I think back on my life and think of when I was happiest. I really liked my college years when I was constantly intellectually stimulated and was full of myself and my uniqueness, but now I don't have classes to go to with professors challenging me and I don't care all that much about looking "cool" anymore, like I couldn't even come up with a "cool" looking outfit if I tried. The bummer part of those years was that I always felt lonely and was in a desperate search for my "one true love." Now that I have found him, I don't have all that mystery and excitement to look forward too, and I still get kinda lonely just in different ways. I think about on my mission when I felt full of purpose and knew that I was doing what the Lord wanted me to do, and I was sure that I was doing it the right way. Now, I know that I am supposed to be raising my children in love and peace and helping them develop their talents and learn right from wrong and be productive members of society and feel good about themselves, and not have all the complexes that I grew up with like thinking that you are not good enough for certain people or institutions. But I feel really lost as to accomplish all of those things. More later