Deep thoughts about conversion, everyday life and following the prophet

A few days ago I read a blog post on Segullah titled "Have you born your testimony on YouTube yet?" It really got me thinking about our level of conversion as modern members of the Church. I did go to YouTube after that I watched a bunch of videos about the church. There is plenty of anti stuff out there and funny missionary stuff, but I didn't see any personal testimonies. Some of the comments that I read on Segullah of women justifying why they are not ready to put there personal testimony out there or make their blog more spiritual got me thinking about my own life and how truly converted I was. Maybe converted isn't the right word, probably obedient is more fitting.
A lot of things the modern prophets have asked us to do are easy, but a lot of them are too easy to put off. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. For example, having family home evening and daily family scripture study is easy for us now. We have been consistent about it for at least 3 years now, and they admittedly could use a lot of improvement, but we are consistent and the pattern is there. Food storage on the other hand is something that I think a lot about and try to do, but I feel guilty spending a lot on food storage when there are bills to pay. Which leads to another tough one, staying out of debt. It is so easy to use debt when "special circumstances" arise, but so hard to make the sacrifices to pay it off later.
Until our house in Utah sells, we need to watch our budget pretty closely, so for the past few weeks I have been studying our expenditures trying to figure out ways to cut back. Most recurring expenses we don't have a lot of control over. We turned the thermostat up so that we aren't using the air conditioner as much, and I try not to drive around unnecessarily, but it seems like the category that we can change the most is spending on food and clothes. Before school started I organized the kids drawers and closets and realized that we don't really need to buy new clothes for the fall, they all have plenty. So, I didn't follow the tradition of buying new school clothes. And Nikolay and I both have plenty of clothes as well.
So, back to following the prophets. If I am really devout, wouldn't I say getting out of debt so that we can build up food storage is more important than new clothes. The more I think of it I think, "Of course it is!" It is just an example of how our priorities can slide. I often reflect on the time when I was on my mission and everything was so clear, there weren't so many gray areas. But after having kids and gradually getting used to living with a higher income, you start to think that some things are more important than others and before you know it your priorities get mixed up. When we were poor students I didn't put much stock into buying cute outfits and new toys for our new baby, basically because we were used to not shopping, and now I need to get back into that mentality.
One more thought on the food storage front. I have set up a daily limit of how much I can spend so that our account isn't at $0 at the end of the month, and I realized that because some purchases earlier this week, I basically need to stay away from the grocery store for the next few days. A few weeks ago I went to the dry pack cannery with some sisters from my ward and canned things that I thought that we could easily use and rotate. I had originally planned on not opening them for like a year or so, but I decided to start using them now rather than going over my budget for the week. That got me thinking about some of the food that I canned like beans and oatmeal. I need to get my family used to eating them more, and the discipline that it will take to actually make good food that they will eat out of things that can be stored for years and years is a way of showing my obedience and devotion.
I had a long discussion with Rebekah recently about how sometimes topics like food storage get more attention at church than the core Gospel topics like the atonement of Jesus Christ. I do see how some people latch onto certain causes in the Church and become obsessed with them and loose sight of living a Christ-like life, so it is important to keep everything in perspective and balanced. I think that a lot of the modern day commandments are more about obedience than the obvious practicality of them that we focus on so much. I don't think that on Judgment Day, the size of our food storage is going to carry more weight than how we treated people and how successfully we submitted our will to His and became instruments in His hands. Or that the Word of Wisdom is just important just to keep us healthy, but more of a spiritual test and an physical manifestation of our willingness to be obedient. As humans we need physical reminders to keep our self-control in check. It is easy for most of us to avoid smoking and drinking ,but what about eating whole grains and getting enough sleep?
Back to conversion, if I want my life to be as clear and focused as it was when I was a missionary, I know what I need to do. I need to ponder the scriptures as much as I did then, I need to spend as much time seeking the Lord's will as I do my own diversions (quilting, scrapbooking, blogging). Yeah, I'm a mom and know that raising my kids is what I am supposed to be doing right now in my life, but maybe I will be able to give them even more, if I become more. I need to avoid going into auto pilot by just making sure they are fed and clothed and read to, and just being along for the ride in motherhood. I need to take control and find my "mission" and purpose in their lives. I want to be the mother that I believe every human wishes they had.